Tuesday, December 21, 2010

News Alerts and Memos

Update 1-20-2011
RAMSET - This is an all troll alert!
Ramset is the most wanted troll in ATS history. This side switching, shape shifting, morphing mother fucker has crossed the line for the last time. He not only refused to give TheBuzz back his stolen star, he has now begun to lobby Hartman to have Grumpy reincarnated - again!

Show no mercy when bringing in this troll.

Update 1/19/2010
After a two year standoff with Quarktoo that ended peacefully, the troll formally known as Grumpy AKA Sigma16 has been brought to justice and institutionalized at Fort Leavenworth Kansas psychiatric ward for traitors after he outed himself and surrendered to Quarktoo peacefully.

Prior to becoming a professional troll, Quarktoo was a porn star and his stamina is legendary. While Grumpy thought he was playing Quarktoo, our troll was busy bending tubing while laughing his dick off at Grumpy and his merry band of armatures.

Update 12/29/2010
IST has switched sides and is now fully aligned with "Team America". In a startling revelation, IST has disclosed the plans for the cascade generator used by Stan Meyer in his first fracture generator.

Update 12/21/2010
Quarktoo is banned after outing three unlicensed trolls at overunityresearch.com and then taking the unusual step of outing the American Troll Society website.

These are two major rule violations. Disciplinary action is pending regarding Quarktoo's outing the ATS and will probably just amount to another little slap on the hand that he could barely even feel.

Quarktoo is reportedly recovering in a local area hospital from piranha wounds to his very straight all American ass. Our thoughts and prayers go out to Quarktoo and his family during the holiday season.

Update 12/21/2010
The American Troll Society's year end ATS Roundup is underway and members are asked to troll unlicensed trolls through the holidays. He are a few good reasons for protecting the ATS role within the trolling industry:
  •  Unlicensed trolls hate us for our way of life
  • If it were not for ATS Certified Trolls, you would be speaking Japanese right now
  • Unlicensed trolls want to cut off your daughters head and have sex with you

Update 12/20/2010
Pirahna Attack Flame Alert: - overunityresearch.com

Quaktoo yells free NAMBLA photos at a Freddie Mercury flash mob and survived a rare pirahna-maximus attack!

See Rule# 2 Quarktoo. This highly trained and professional troll's Jupiter sized balls are legendary in our industry!