Sunday, December 19, 2010

Judging and Scoring a Fish

Scoring can only be done by a licensed and certified American Troll Society Judge CompTroller. Scoring a catch is done using the following formula:

The size of the catch is determined by measuring the belligerence of the fish, (weight) then subtracting the ignorance of the fish (length) and finally multiplying the number of hits to the thread at the time of weighing

Belligerence of the fish (Weight)
The dumbest fish are usually the biggest fish. These fish are prized amongst the amateur troll due to the sheer bulk of their belligerence which makes them fat.

This is a subjective determination made by a licensed and certified American Troll Society Judge CompTroller. Should a troll disagree with the comptroller's decision, a single appeal must be submitted within 24 hours of posting the results.

Ignorance of the fish - (Length)
Big stupid fish are easy prey and are often likened to shooting fish in a barrel. A good example of one of these "shit fish"would be if he posts "You are an idit" and misspells the word "idiot". This is not unusual and these fish are not worth much due to their sheer abundance.

A fish that claims to possess a college degree and is functionally illiterate is poisonous and extra danger points are awarded for exposing them.

This is a subjective determination made by the comptroller. If the troll does not agree with the determination of the comptroller, a single appeal made be made and must be submitted in writing with 24 hours of posting the results.

An ignorant unlicensed troll named Grumpy uses a grumpy demeanor to intimidate his foe. This below average poser (which makes him the most fair game of all) had to be caught.
  1. He uses multiple usernames at the same time and on the same forum. (Referred to as parallel trolling)
  2. He writes in vague innuendo in an attempt to imply more than he knows. (Below average poser)
  3. He lives online 24/7 working as a paid troll for the merchants of death. (Pure fucking evil)
This below average poser is considered a prized catch and delicacy due to his unlicensed status, massive weight, long length and number of posts.

ATS (SI) Units of Measurement
Belligerence  (B) = 1 to 10 points
Ignorance  (I) = 1 to 10 points
Hits to Page (H) =  Hits upon weighing

B - I * H = Score

B = 10
I  = 6
H = 1534

8 + 7 * 1534 = 6,136 points added to Quarktoo's score